about a dearly beloved

She prefers to meet death now, instead of her hours of peeping seeking in the bookstores, or her endless hunt for sweet creepy creatures, or the old bitching-together-with-me session at the coffee shop, or giddy talks about the cute fatty boy she fancies, or giddy talks about the skinny nancy boy I fancy, or her big red spirit she burns in her guts, or her hardworking faith she inspires me with, or anything else I know she used to prefer.
Maybe she has changed too much. I know I have changed too much. Maybe she just doesn't have enough time. I know I don't share mine enough for her. Maybe she has just truly given up. I know I'll never give up on her.
But then again, it's just too easier to say than to do. And then again, it's just too hard to find the right things to say. And in the end again, I never know the right things to do. And it's too sad to find it this way, when she has always been the one that I know will say and do the right things.
I hope you'll find your sunshine again soon, dear sister. You are my best friend in the whole universe. I am sorry not to know how to ease you from the whole universe.
I will heart you a million billion hearts always.

*playing: Mary Jane - Alanis Morissette